ERMAHGERD!#
Big thanks to http://ermahgerd.jmillerdesign.com/#!/translate for the translation logic. This is simply the same thing, but in node form.
Install:
npm install node-ermahgerd
Use it like so:
var ermahgerd = require('node-ermahgerd');
var translation = ermahgerd.translate("Goosebumps! My favorite books!");
console.log(translation); // 'GERSBERMS! MAH FRAVRIT BERKS!'